But then there's nights like these where I can't sleep and every regret I've ever had comes flooding back like the huge tidal wave of bullshit. I literally feel like I'm drowning in depression right now. There's no one to talk to, and no one I feel comfortable calling at 3:22 am to listen to this bullshit. The one person I had who I could always call left me and got herself a new boyfriend. So what do I do? How do I keep going? I don't feel comfortable and I feel like crawling out of my own skin. So I come here and I write this down, but it's not helping.
I was out with a bunch of friends tonight too, so it's not like I'm just being a recluse hiding out in my room. I was fine while I was out. Then, I got home and I keep thinking of all these cards Liz gave me. One stands out in particular... it's a picture of nightfall and the moon with the stars.. and the inside of the card says, "I made a wish and you came true." It wasn't that long ago, maybe 18 months that I thought we'd always be together. I struggle with it so much, why did she reject me? I mean, her official reason was religious differences... and I get that and I mainly do believe that.. but still to toss me aside like a piece of garbage not even a year later? I know what would happen if I called... I'd get sent to voice mail and she wouldn't even call me. Then, one of her friends will bitch me out on Facebook. No thanks. How do you turn your back on someone who you claimed to love forever? How do you deny even the basic tenets of friendship for someone who you talked to every day for more than six years? I'm just rambling now, and it's not helping. So I'm just gonna stop for now, it's just making it worse.
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